Elements of Will

By Fiona Apple

(Listen to Heart of Gold by Fionna Apple for enhanced reading pleasure.)

The voice of Fiona Apple weeps through my blood.

A drum beats inside of my belly.

I envision my father, a green station wagon and a Sunday drive. T’was a gift when I was the chosen child for a Sunday drive with my father. No words fell between us on those Sunday drives. The windows rolled down. The fresh air cleansed us. Time was an infinite moment.

I envision BBQ in our back yard. My mother set up the picnic table, where six of us sat to eat hamburgers and homemade french fries.

I can remember the way my father’s face appeared when he crossed the bridge between his love and his tears. I can guess that I will witness this exact expression a few more times in my life.

The better I have loved, the better I have felt the pain of that love.

I do not believe that I understood life in my childhood years. I was simply living it.

I understand better of life now. Perhaps that is not a greater understanding.

Time is a lapse moving quickly, yet my memories move slowly like the sun setting on a Summer day.

And I may still absorb my scent with the smell of BBQ.

Be well.

Dedicated to my Dad